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Wed, 24 Aug 2005 23:22:40 GMT

Amusing newspaper clippings
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A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast-guard spokesman commented: 'This sort of thing is all too common these days.'
- The Times.

We apologize for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that Mr. Fred Nicolme is a defective of the Police Force. This was a typographical error. We meant, of course, that Mr. Nicolme is a detective in the Police Farce.
- Derby Abbey Community News.

A Joke A Day...

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 19:22:58 GMT

Q: How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a delusional spin from the liberal media. There is no shortage of filament. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?

I hope the above joke doesn't upset any of you - but since I am constantly reading other political posts, I figure it won't...

I just returned home from the doctor's - Yech. I hurt :(

me and kittiii in fLORIDA HAVIUBG WINE

Tue, 24 May 2005 02:52:46 GMT

THIS IS A CO-POST - thi s= is me and kittiii here is me....

I am having a kickass tinme here in sunny warm beautiful florida - We went shopping to about a million digffet===ernet swhops all over the place (insert snort here...kittiii) and we saw Star Wars ande went to the Barefoot Beee - atch to lat out and tan AND we will not fondle dolphins onj the 25thy.

Here is Kittiii...This is Kittiii reportining live and in person. I heard dolphins don't like to be fondles, as per heidi. LARF...we also looked at pictures of CG, and lady angle and I with huge gair when we had our band and our first album "Talk about Cow" and then our follow up ep "Gross Neglegees" what a riot. We are blowing one of the pictures up to hangs at lady angles wedding...that in itself is a top reason to attend. Also we looked at yearbooks which D told us was ultra lame...but we were telling stories from the old days and then we couldn't remmember what we wer talking about (BURP) so it was like we were 8-0. Now back to C>G

It's me again - We went to the Japaneds Steakhouse and sae a choo choo mtrain and Kitiiii thouhgt it was a volcano and the Japanese dood thought she was nuts because nwe thought he was swedish, he wasn't. He was obviously Japanese3/.

I lied - I was the one who said he was Swedish - But Kittiii did say that he wa a muppet. He his an egg in his hat and was very clever thatr way. I bought a lot of new summer clothes - I expect to wear them once this summer in mAiane, It was stupide= of me to buy all summer clothes.

We are headed to AOrlando tomorrow - tHE REASON I am making do many mistakes tonight is not becaise i HAVE been drinkinjg wine but in fact because I am typing on a laptop puter. This keyboard is weird and wacked and whatnot. I'm outie now.

Kittiii satys bye y'all.

Boston Update (quick version):

Sun, 15 May 2005 00:04:52 GMT

I got home from Boston an hour and half ago - My gawd, talk about a world-wind (is that a word?) tour - I'm exhausted! I haven't stopped running since about 11:30 on Friday.

I went down to Beantown with So-and-so, Conrad, and Susie (so-and-so drove us in his vehicle) - We checked into the Cambridge Hyatt the second we arrived and then met up with Ian, Inge, Erika, Ivar (these were the two people I forgot to mention in my previous post...ooopsy), and Taco - Jamie and Amy also came to the hotel to join up with the group (Cara and Billy accidentally went to the wrong Hyatt and missed the DUCK boat tour as a result) - From there, we all took cabs to the Science Museum - We boarded a DUCK boat in front of the Museum and Jamie took us on a private (and free! Yay! ) ride around Boston (he is a conDUCKtor) - It was so great - There were only the 11 of us - In other words, there were no paying customers and we had a blast - Jamie let each of us drive the DUCK as soon as we got into the Charles - I drove a DUCK! - Cara and Billy were still lost so they met us at the restaurant later - It was a beautiful and sunny day and it was wonderful to be out in the water - We passed (and almost ran over) the Harvard rowing team - oops.

Then we went back to the Museum and picked up (2) of Jamie's fellow conDUCKtors - We then drove to our next destination (which was this great italian restaurant a block from the Orpheum) where one of the (2) other conDUCKtors took control of the DUCK so Jamie could eat with us - Amy found the place on the internet (they were the only place that accepted reservations) - There were 13 of us around a large table on the second floor - We had great waitresses and the food was good - It was perfect! I had the eggplant Parm. and it was pretty good!

After dinner, we all walked one block to the Orpheum and headed in just in time to catch the Dresden Dolls (I really like them - They are unique and very cool - They remind me of a strange mix of the musicals Cabaret and Chicago, mixed with mime and carnival songs - Strange but ethereal - I was impressed) - Then Nine Inch Nails came on and everything went downhill for me - The band sounded good, but the light show about killed me - It's a darn good thing that I don't have epilepsy or some other 'condition' or I would have been flopping around on the floor for the entire show - There were strong flashing strobe-like lights for practically the ENTIRE show! The combination of those lights, the intense heat (we were in the balcony and it was HOTTER THAN HELL up there), and the shaking balcony (the balcony was shaking 5-6 inches at the least! I really thought that I would make the evening news, I thought for sure it was gonna collapse) - It all got so bad that I had to leave my seat for at least 5 songs - I needed air and I was so dizzy that when I tried to get out to the aisle I almost fell down - I grabbed Jamie's shoulder and he had to kind of hold me up for a second - I almost fell on poor Amy trying to get by her...I was so relieved to get out of there alive!

Nine Inch Nails is not my favorite band to begin with (I do like about 4-5 songs, but I found that I didn't know the majority of their songs) but the show would have been really good if not for the lights, heat, and dangerous balcony. Trent sounded good.

Then we all (11 of us - Cara and Billy left) boarded the T and headed to Manray - Manray is such a ridiculous and pretentious club and yet every time I go I always meet someone - It's the weirdest thing - Some guy bought me a drink and gave me ten dollars (why, I don't know) - He was sort of crazy, I think...So-and-so wanted to leave at 1:00, so I went back to the hotel with him - Susie and Conrad came into the room at around 3:30.

This morning I woke up, showered, packed, and then so-and-so, Conrad, Susie and I headed over to Quincy Market - I went in search of Boston Red Sox things and Dunkin Donuts coffee (I was able to find both things! yay! ) - Susie bought me a sweet Hello Kitty Pez dispenser and so-and-so gave me a Darth Vader one - Woo Hoo! Anyway...so after we left and started to head for home something strange happened...

We were on the highway somewhere near Peabody when we heard a loud crash (I thought we had been shot) and then I felt glass falling onto my lap - a rock must have fallen off of another vehicle and hit so-and-so's sun roof - it completely shattered and made the loudest noise.

I'm really proud of all of us for not screaming and impressed with so-and-so's driving ability - I know that if I had been driving, we would have hit something - we immediately pulled over and so-and-so took all of the glass out of his car and got little bleeding cuts all over his hands - We were all extremely shaken - Susie cried for a few seconds - It startled the hell out us...

We were so freaked out that by the time we got going again, we missed our exit - We ended up in Gloucester - we had to turn around and backtrack for an hour and a half - It was a nice scenic ride through Massachusetts...lol.

So I'm home now and haven't had much rest but I'm going out tonight only because it's Jamie's birthday...

I guess that Ian, Inge, Erika, and Ivar went to an after hours party at a club promoter's house and the police broke it up and they never came back to the hotel last night - They must have stayed with Jamie and Amy (?) - We were all surprised that Ian didn't call us from jail...lol. None of them got any sleep.

So, in sum: I had an amazing time in Boston (and oh yeah, I saw bluemadusa!!! I forgot to mention that! I was happy to see her!) - Okay, so in sum: It was a great time but I wish I could sleep for a few hours before tearing it up again - I think I'm making it an early night tonight...oh, and I love Boston so much - I love being in the city and I love to travel - I love the men in Boston - they all look so hot and dressy (yes, I like preppy and sporty guys as well as the artsy ones). We were lost and a hot business guy helped us - he was sweet and yummy and he was carrying Dunkin Donuts coffee - what could be more perfect?).

A Day in the Life

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me and kittiii in fLORIDA HAVIUBG WINE

Boston Update (quick version):